Communications n. exchanging information,
expressing feelings, rapport, liaison, conversation,
speaking, listening, correspondence, writing.
Perhaps the toughest aspect of communication is
listening. Oscar Wilde wrote of the main character in
his work, The Picture of Dorian Gray, “He knew the
precise psychological moment when to say nothing.”
More often than not, we as managers and leaders
could do well remembering this citation.
Unfortunately we’ve been led to believe and have
accepted the premise that talk is power and an
indication that one is in control. Much has been
written about this need to talk, to keep the center
stage in managerial or leadership roles.
Too
often the talk itself is a real barrier to good
communication. Knowing when to talk is obviously
very important. Given the fact, however, that
approximately 80 percent of the spoken word is not
heard, talk is in fact very cheap if it isn’t listened
to.
Simply stated, we must become better listeners if we
are to be effective leaders. To be a good listener is
hard work. Robert H. Waterman Jr.
writes, “Listening, really listening, is tough and
grinding work, often humbling, sometimes
distasteful.” I believe this is true, but I also believe
a good listener is caring, compassionate and
sensitive to the needs of the sender.
It seems
imperative to me that the leader in the new century
needs to be all these things as well as providing the
direction of her staff in the chaotic times we will
continue to work in. To do less in the appropriate
circumstance would mean to miss an opportunity to
lead.
In an attempt to be more practical and less
philosophical, I’d like to share the following tips first
published in 1957 Nation’s Business by listening
expert Ralph G. Nichols of the University of
Minnesota. More than thirty years later, it still held
the magazine’s record for reprint requests. Here, in
short, is Nichols’ advice:
* Find an area of interest. Throughout a speaker’s
discourse, keep asking yourself, “What’s in this that I
can use?”
* Judge content, not delivery. The question
continues to be: “Does this speaker know something
I need to know?”
* Hold your fire. Practice not reacting until you’re
sure you understand the speaker’s point/purpose.
* Listen for ideas. Rather than trying to memorize
what the speaker’s saying, listen:
- to discriminate between fact and principle, idea and
example, evidence and argument.
- for organizational patterns, transitional language
and repetition for emphasis.
- Be flexible in note taking. Don’t even try to write
everything down.
* Work at listening. Use non-verbal communication
to indicate that the speaker’s efforts are a matter of
real concern; and [you’ll] profit by [getting more
information and] better understanding.”
* Resist distraction. Better yet, remove them: turn
off your radio, close the door, hold all calls.
* Exercise your mind. Overcome lack of experience
in listening to tough, technical, and explanatory
material. Attend lectures or tune in to challenging
radio and TV shows.
* Keep your mind open. If “a speaker invades your
cherished notions, convictions, and complexes,” don’t
go into emotional deafness.
* Capitalize on thought speed. Constantly relate
your thoughts to what the speaker is saying.
Listening is the key to the communication equation.
Walter Kiechel wrote in his article “Learn How to
Listen” (August 17, 1987, Fortune magazine), “Your
final responsibility as a tuned-in manager is to act on
what you have heard. Do something, even if it
isn’t exactly what your partner in conversation had in
mind. Otherwise, she’s likely to feel that the whole
exchange was a futile, manipulative exercise.”
